Before I found the C.A. group, I had no faith, no trust in anyone, anything. I had no faith in myself, and more importantly, I had no faith in my Higher Power-God. I felt sorry for myself about fifty percent of the time, and the other fifty percent of the time, I just hated myself. I was truly a miserable person.
About a year ago-August 6, 2002-to be exact, was a day I will never forget. This is the day when my children were taken out of my home. My four beautiful, wonderful children that I had totally taken for granted! I remember at first feeling that I was being punished for whatever I had done wrong in my life up to that point. In my sick mind, I thought God must hate me so much! He must think I am a terrible person to deserve all of this! When I think about this now, it just amazes me.
I feel about 150% different about everything now. That is due mostly to C.A. and everyone in it, and of course, because of my relationship with God right now. I do believe that God makes things happen for a reason. I believe that my kids got taken away so that my husband and I could get clean, and get our stuff together. I also believe that God puts all of us into the rooms of C.A. to help each other and ourselves. I cannot express the gratitude that I feel for Cocaine Anonymous!
I am still trying to get my children back into my home, and it has been a daily struggle. There have been many chaotic and frustrating things that have happened along the way, but I know that no matter how bad things get today, they will never be as bad as they were when I was using. Even my worst day today is still better than my best day back then! I have faith that I will get my kids back. I have faith that I can be the person that I want to be. And the reason I have all of this faith is because I know God will help me through everything. I have my faith in God back! Thank you, C.A. for helping me to turn my life around!